suffering and celebrating on the path

A beautiful young female Malaysian friend of mine asked me "how it's going these days" which led me to reflect on how to answer: of course I could just say, "Fine, thank you" or could I get into how it's really going. I slipped into reverie (day-dreamy, meditative state) and realized that my answer had to do with the interplay between suffering and celebration.

As I was writing this I was asked that same question by a lovely, wise, spiritual Taiwanese friend, and answered: "At one level I'm tired - not quite exhausted, but low energy from being on the long road to freedom; at another level I'm encouraged here and there by this or that positive occurence, seeing grace flow through me, etc., but still really don't have a clue about what's really going on . . . just keep putting one faithful foot in front of the other." It doesn't take great perceptiveness to see that life is not easy for me these days.

My path of increasing transparency and honesty with myself and others has continued to result in the stripping away of this or that identity construct (these illusory but socially accepted ways of presenting yourself to the world from within which you can feel comfortable and good about yourself) leaving me more exposed to anxious and depressive moods which may be pretty fundamental to how I became myself from an early age. Of course, going through these moods instead of trying to medicate or distract myself from them is transformative; but because of them I'm remembering less often to celebrate the love that holds me, the gift that I have received and that I am to this world.

We know that Mother Theresa shone with grace according to those who were around her, and, yet we also know that she endured the blackest depression in the last few years of her life. For me, I know that in the darkness a light has shone, and the darkness cannot comprehend or overwhelm this light. So despite my  decade of rationalistic psychoanalytic training, I know that where I focus is the source of my strength or weakness. Holding myself, and knowing that I'm held as I walk through anxiety and depression, remembering when I can to celebrate the LOVE that powers this universe, this LOVE that has transformed and is transforming me, while being continually open to what's next is in fact where I live this interplay between suffering and celebration on the path.

grace and blessing be with you all! :)

Rumi, the master alchemist, making all things new

Our work in Ethiopia combines two visions: Joy's One Village and Carlo's Alchemy World. We are of course all from One Village, this our global village, and lifting a hand to help someone else stand up is a natural gesture of being in one family! We also are participating in fulfillment of Carlo's vision of the the transformation of the poorest of the poor into the entrepreneurs who will transform Ethiopia.

I opened "The Love Poems of Rumi" for the first time this year, and the page that presented itself was "The Alchemy of Love." Enjoy! :)

The Alchemy of Love

You come to us

from another world

From beyond the stars

and void of space.

Transcendent, Pure,

Of unimaginable beauty,

Bringing with you

the essence of love

You transform all

who are touched by you.

Mundane concerns,

troubles, and sorrows

dissolve in your presence,

Bringing Joy

to ruler and ruled

to peasant and king

You bewilder us

with your grace.

All evils

tranform into

goodness.

You are the master alchemist,

You light the fire of love

in earth and sky

in heart and soul

of every being.

Through your loving

existence and nonexistence merge.

All opposites unite.

All that is profane

becomes sacred again.

When we are confronted with the greater reality in which we are immersed, in which we live and move and have our being, all man-made structures dissolve, and we are left immersed in love, together with all that is! :)

May 2010 be the year in which you wake up to this reality, and, on the path, may you find yourself increasingly blessed and blessing in all that you do! :o))

The red tones of Christmas

Coming into the holiday season, I, like many with less than perfect family situations, was very aware of the greys of Christmas, the shadows, the experience of lacking what the culture is celebrating. Walking through this holiday season with those who chose my company, I was surprised and bemused at the intensity of RED experiences erupting all around me.

First, let's look at the red associated with something to celebrate. somebody said somewhere that a lot of relationships start in this holiday season, and in fact three of my Facebook friends have happily changed their status to "in a relationship" with something close to an announcement tone. At the same time I was aware of the pull myself, not the dark pull of depressive thinking and feeling, but the red pull of chemistry suddenly manifesting in relationships where things had been pleasantly quiet for quite some time. Of course these two subconscious or unconscious influences are quite related, since the red chemistry of attraction brings to life new social status, the desire for which is most keenly felt at this time of year: "See, I have a significant other, isn't s/he wonderful;" and life is magically transformed at least for a while! Gone or at least more deeply submerged is that implacable dark pull.

But at the same time as these red under-currents are here and there resulting in new celebrations; there are also red outbursts of a different variety. All around me couples are showing the strain, or actually bursting out into unrestrained conflict: there is anger, wounding, damage and destruction. I remember my first wife left me on Valentine's day; there is something about the pressures of these socially constructed rituals and expectations. Relationships are being positively or negatively transformed under the pressure of this socially constructed vice: change is bursting out.

Well, for better or for worse, another holiday season has passed: perhaps you fit the stereotype, and you had a enjoyable, warm holiday season with memories to cherish. For those for whom the red tones of Christmas have blessed you with a new start, a new relationship, be grateful and take good care of each other. For those for whom the pressure was inexorable and the reds of damage are mingling with the dark greys and black of hurt, loss, and despair, remember that this too will pass, that everything is always changing; and that new life awaits whether it is the restoration of a transformed relationship, or the blessings our creator/universe is always showering on us, giving us resources to heal and build anew with hope and courage.

May 2010 be a year in which increasingly you find yourself blessed and a blessing in all that you do! :)