What really Matters

Recently I asked my friend Amanda what really mattered for her: was she pursuing her PhD in hope of a job, or beyond that was there some greater meaning in her work? It's only fair to put the question to myself: Why am I doing what I'm doing, and what am I doing anyway?

A year ago I took retreat to consider this question, resulting in my last post. Since then I have been posting only in Facebook notes (FB id: daniel_f_berg). I resonate with a lot of what I wrote a year ago, but am ready to bring myself up to date so to speak. Back then I still focused on entrepreneurship and consulting as the practical ways to make a living and do good in the world, but in fact talked at some length about the insights and humanity of the my relationships of support with Jan and Marie. Since then I have been incredibly challenged by, and have increasingly focused on going deep with, those who are in need of transformation, so much so that now I call myself a spiritual healer/teacher rather than an entrepreneur/consultant. In fact the reason I am writing this at 6:30 am is because I awoke with a dream confronting me with my anxieties about being all washed up as a consultant/entrepreneur. While I did support two of my friends in creating a web presence (Annet Schaap and Robert's Hava Java), and I did work with quite a few people for quite some time on Ethiopian development and business possibilities, I'm no longer pursuing social media/web consulting or things Ethiopian (as much as I love Ethiopia and will still support my Ethiopian friends) but am instead develooping and teaching healing/transformation courses and planning a healing centre with my friend Claire. So what do I mean by spiritual healer/teacher?

Just as psychotherapists are the secular priests of today, those to whom suffering people outside and within religious communities look to for expert friend support, so too spiritual healer/teachers are the 21st century shamans/gurus for those who have no spiritual community or who have not found the transformational support they need within their religious communities. Psychotherapists represent the secular orthodoxy of today, being credentialed, and validated as part of modern day institutions whereas spiritual healer/teacher types tend to be those who have suffered and having found healing and transformation now share their enlightened gifts with others who suffer. I reached a turning point 3 years ago when I felt called to serve, to trust myself to our creator and walk with those who would walk with me, walk meaning pursuing healing/transformation in life. Now, three years later, I feel ready to identify myself as a spiritual healer/teacher as opposed to an entrepreneur/consultant. So how has this come about?

As one who walks with others, I have been walking the last year with those in sore need of transformation, those who at the same time are really gifted. In this walk, I have been incredibly challenged as I have lived full-time both with Jan and Marie with Jan's needs for full-time care, as well as with my friend Claire with her challenging needs for healing/transformation. I have also maintained several helping relationships throughout this time period, some of these efforts being brought together in the first of my courses last fall. It has been my great privilege to walk with people serious about their own need for healing/transformation, trusting me and the grace that flows through me, to guide them in their journey.

The course that I offered took my participants into an internal dialogue experienced through their dreams, waking visions (guided imagery) and body symptoms, all this grounded in breathwork I originally learned from my former teacher Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. The reality of who they are and what they experience has become clearer and stronger for each of them as a result, with some significant breakthroughs experienced along the way. I believe each sufferer has the potential to become "the gift" they were lovingly created to be, and it is my great joy to facilitate the transformation of suffering into that gift! :)

And so I walk now, not simply quietly focusing on my own healing/transformation and of those with whom I walk, but now, increasingly publicly.

Be blessed and a blessing so much as it is possible for you this day my friends! :)

What Really Matters

I am on retreat this week, retreat from business and NGO activity, from keeping all those irons in the fire warm, from pushing looking for the business break-through, from being so immersed in "doing" that sometimes I begin to forget what I'm doing and why.

I have companions on this journey of mine, the journey itself being what matters, not the goals: these companions are people like me who have sold out to God (whom/whatever they take God to be) who have left the world behind and pursue the vision they've been given, the guidance they receive. Through us grace flows, light shines, and yet we experience our journey as one of trials, complexities, difficulties mixed with blessings, ecstasy and transformation - as we are refined, transformed and changed, and have the honour of being present to others in their transformation. My companions include Karl, Karen, Joy, Martin, Don, Heather, Ray, Grace, Marie, Laura and others I recognize as being in early stages of this realization/transformation, who perhaps share with me a journey of increasing healing/integration/wholeness which will one day include the BIG PICTURE, and many others known only to God, but whom I will find some day.

Yesterday, after long conversations with Joy and Karl, after I realized I needed this retreat, then in my usual maintenance of my many Facebook relationships I came upon a couple of statuses that touched this renewed and growing quest for guidance:

♥ "Go Confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined"♥ . Henry David Thoreau

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What one can be, one must be." -- Abraham Maslow

Now that I'm not battling to keep my head above water of the many business and NGO activities I have been pushing forward, I now find myself being more, seeing more, and appreciating what really matters. For example, I've been with my very good friend Jan the last couple of days as I do every week, supporting him while Marie, his wife is off at the University doing her professorial thing. Jan is suffering from a degenerative brain disease called Multiple System Atrophy (MSA) that has left him needing 24/7 support from Marie, myself, other family members and paid care-givers.

As I was discussing his breakfast options with him this morning he said he'd like something. I commented, but your face doesn't seem to agree with the words you say, and his response was, "it slipped off my face." Well I broke up, and when I told Marie about it, she broke up!! He has the driest humour perfectly situated within his condition we all accept as his normal. His ambivalences manifest physically now unlike the rest of us "civilized" beings who have learned to mask our internal contradictions. The line of an old Genesis song from the Foxtrot album came to mind, "wearing feelings on our faces while our faces took a rest".

You see Jan has lost many capabilities, such as the ability to focus, the ability to separate dream from "reality", etc. and so is usually dealing with hallucinations (dream reality) at the same time as our shared reality. This leads me to the second joke he cracked today. We were engaged one of our favourite activities, eating together, and I was pointing out to him that he had dream objects in his hands, the beer was on the side table beside him. Looking me straight in the eye, he took his dream object to his lips, bit a piece off, brought it back out if front of himself for further consideration and then said with a perfectly straight face: "See, it's still here!" Well I just broke down laughing on the spot, and laughed for a very long time. It was a perfect joke told from within his lived reality as shared by Marie and I. I told her the joke later with Jan, and we all three had a good long laugh about it.

Being with my friend Jan really matters: I have and am learning so much about how we human beings construct reality, about our egos, our identities, about how strong feelings distort our perception, and on and on it goes. But mainly, I am living in love supporting my friends as they support me. This is what really matters, this is what makes life worth living. I am also getting the added gifts of reflection and insight as I started reading to Jan today from Rumi and from Rinpoche's The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying (thank you Lynn for giving them to me for this purpose!). And so I close with a few quotes that are still reverberating through me:

on life and the pursuit of meaning:

I didn't come here of my own accord, and I can't leave that way.

Whoever brought me here will have to take me home.

On joining a community of the spirit:

Be empty of worrying.

Think of who created thought!

Why do you stay in prison

when the door is so wide open?

Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking.

Live in silence.

Flow down and down in always

widening rings of being.

The Many Wines (Coleman Barks explains that wine is a symbol for ecstasy, a kind of wine being a kind of activity of the mind or soul that can lead to ecstasy)

God has given us a dark wine so potent that,

drinking it, we leave the two worlds.

God has put into the form of hashish a power

to deliver the taster from self-consciousness.

God has made sleep so

that it erases every thought.

There are thousands of wines

that can take over our minds.

Don't think all ecstasies

are the same!

Jesus was lost in his love for God.

His donkey was drunk with barley.

Drink from the presence of saints,

not from those other jars.

Every object, every being,

is a jar full of delight.

Be a connoisseur,

and taste with caution.

Any wine will get you high.

Judge like a king, and choose the purest,

the ones unadulterated with fear,

or some urgency about "what's needed."

Drink the wine that moves you

as a camel moves when it's been untied,

and is just ambling about.

From the Foreword to Rinpoche's The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying written by the Dalai Lama:

No less significant than preparing for our own death is helping others to die well. As newborn babies each of us was helpless and, without the care and kindness we received then, we would not have survived. Because the dying also are unable to help themselves, we should relieve them of discomfort and anxiety, and assist them, as far as we can, to die with composure.

From his Preface:

Had I not met my master Jamyang Khyentse, I know I would have been an entirely different person. With his warmth and wisdom and compassion, he personified the sacred truth of the teachings and so made them practical and vibrant with life. Whenever I share that atmosphere of my master with others, they can sense the same profound feeling it aroused in me. What then did Jamyang Khyentse inspire in me? An unshakable confidence in the teachings, and a conviction in the central and dramatic importance of the master.

Likewise I Daniel can say that if I had not been baptized in the Holy Spirit, if I had not met my teacher Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, and if I had not been healed by Abba, our Creator--the loving parent revealed to us by Jesus, then I would have been an entirely different person. I am so grateful for these many realizations, particularly for the centrality of the master or saint is supporting others in breaking free from the fear that binds them so that they can wake up and realize who they really are, beloved children of the one in whom we live and move and have our being. We are each unique, we can each wake up and be free, we can each be transformed, one day we will know as we are known, but until then we have companions on the journey, brothers and sisters all! :)

So this is what really matters. The rest of the details will sort themselves out as time goes on . . . :)

grace and blessings,

your brother Daniel

suffering and celebrating on the path

A beautiful young female Malaysian friend of mine asked me "how it's going these days" which led me to reflect on how to answer: of course I could just say, "Fine, thank you" or could I get into how it's really going. I slipped into reverie (day-dreamy, meditative state) and realized that my answer had to do with the interplay between suffering and celebration.

As I was writing this I was asked that same question by a lovely, wise, spiritual Taiwanese friend, and answered: "At one level I'm tired - not quite exhausted, but low energy from being on the long road to freedom; at another level I'm encouraged here and there by this or that positive occurence, seeing grace flow through me, etc., but still really don't have a clue about what's really going on . . . just keep putting one faithful foot in front of the other." It doesn't take great perceptiveness to see that life is not easy for me these days.

My path of increasing transparency and honesty with myself and others has continued to result in the stripping away of this or that identity construct (these illusory but socially accepted ways of presenting yourself to the world from within which you can feel comfortable and good about yourself) leaving me more exposed to anxious and depressive moods which may be pretty fundamental to how I became myself from an early age. Of course, going through these moods instead of trying to medicate or distract myself from them is transformative; but because of them I'm remembering less often to celebrate the love that holds me, the gift that I have received and that I am to this world.

We know that Mother Theresa shone with grace according to those who were around her, and, yet we also know that she endured the blackest depression in the last few years of her life. For me, I know that in the darkness a light has shone, and the darkness cannot comprehend or overwhelm this light. So despite my  decade of rationalistic psychoanalytic training, I know that where I focus is the source of my strength or weakness. Holding myself, and knowing that I'm held as I walk through anxiety and depression, remembering when I can to celebrate the LOVE that powers this universe, this LOVE that has transformed and is transforming me, while being continually open to what's next is in fact where I live this interplay between suffering and celebration on the path.

grace and blessing be with you all! :)

Rumi, the master alchemist, making all things new

Our work in Ethiopia combines two visions: Joy's One Village and Carlo's Alchemy World. We are of course all from One Village, this our global village, and lifting a hand to help someone else stand up is a natural gesture of being in one family! We also are participating in fulfillment of Carlo's vision of the the transformation of the poorest of the poor into the entrepreneurs who will transform Ethiopia.

I opened "The Love Poems of Rumi" for the first time this year, and the page that presented itself was "The Alchemy of Love." Enjoy! :)

The Alchemy of Love

You come to us

from another world

From beyond the stars

and void of space.

Transcendent, Pure,

Of unimaginable beauty,

Bringing with you

the essence of love

You transform all

who are touched by you.

Mundane concerns,

troubles, and sorrows

dissolve in your presence,

Bringing Joy

to ruler and ruled

to peasant and king

You bewilder us

with your grace.

All evils

tranform into

goodness.

You are the master alchemist,

You light the fire of love

in earth and sky

in heart and soul

of every being.

Through your loving

existence and nonexistence merge.

All opposites unite.

All that is profane

becomes sacred again.

When we are confronted with the greater reality in which we are immersed, in which we live and move and have our being, all man-made structures dissolve, and we are left immersed in love, together with all that is! :)

May 2010 be the year in which you wake up to this reality, and, on the path, may you find yourself increasingly blessed and blessing in all that you do! :o))

The red tones of Christmas

Coming into the holiday season, I, like many with less than perfect family situations, was very aware of the greys of Christmas, the shadows, the experience of lacking what the culture is celebrating. Walking through this holiday season with those who chose my company, I was surprised and bemused at the intensity of RED experiences erupting all around me.

First, let's look at the red associated with something to celebrate. somebody said somewhere that a lot of relationships start in this holiday season, and in fact three of my Facebook friends have happily changed their status to "in a relationship" with something close to an announcement tone. At the same time I was aware of the pull myself, not the dark pull of depressive thinking and feeling, but the red pull of chemistry suddenly manifesting in relationships where things had been pleasantly quiet for quite some time. Of course these two subconscious or unconscious influences are quite related, since the red chemistry of attraction brings to life new social status, the desire for which is most keenly felt at this time of year: "See, I have a significant other, isn't s/he wonderful;" and life is magically transformed at least for a while! Gone or at least more deeply submerged is that implacable dark pull.

But at the same time as these red under-currents are here and there resulting in new celebrations; there are also red outbursts of a different variety. All around me couples are showing the strain, or actually bursting out into unrestrained conflict: there is anger, wounding, damage and destruction. I remember my first wife left me on Valentine's day; there is something about the pressures of these socially constructed rituals and expectations. Relationships are being positively or negatively transformed under the pressure of this socially constructed vice: change is bursting out.

Well, for better or for worse, another holiday season has passed: perhaps you fit the stereotype, and you had a enjoyable, warm holiday season with memories to cherish. For those for whom the red tones of Christmas have blessed you with a new start, a new relationship, be grateful and take good care of each other. For those for whom the pressure was inexorable and the reds of damage are mingling with the dark greys and black of hurt, loss, and despair, remember that this too will pass, that everything is always changing; and that new life awaits whether it is the restoration of a transformed relationship, or the blessings our creator/universe is always showering on us, giving us resources to heal and build anew with hope and courage.

May 2010 be a year in which increasingly you find yourself blessed and a blessing in all that you do! :)

The Grey Tones of the Holiday Season

The Grey Tones of the Holiday Season

Not having any artistic talent to speak of, I nonetheless am learning something of the “design” world. When I say grey tones of Christmas, from a design perspective you don’t just have the bright reds, whites and greens, but you have the shadows, the contrasts, what makes the bright stuff stand out and shine. The same is true in our lives of course: we don’t always surround ourselves with the joy of extended family and holiday traditions, nor immerse ourselves in the nativity, the story of just how much we are each loved by our Abba, creator that he gave us Jesus, the first of many brothers and sisters. And so many in this world celebrate with bright colours this joyous, family time of year.

But for many people, these bright colours do not manifest in their lives, but rather as a sort of negative contrast, highlight the greys with their absence. There are people who have experienced these joys in the past, but can only now mourn their passing; others for whom trauma impairs their ability to access the joy of this season. For those who cannot celebrate these bright colours, their greys are darkened as they try to find ways to endure this time: some will succeed of course more than others, but they all feel the same dark pull, each in their unique way.

For those feeling this dark pull, whether you have completely admitted it to yourself or not, let me say something of my intentions for this time. For those who find themselves outside of the mainstream, there is an opportunity not available to those caught up in the busyness of career, families and social obligations. At some level we all know that we are one human family, all connected to each other in ways we don’t even understand, one of them being that we are all children of the creator: at some level we know this, but for many of us it does not come into our sense of self, who we are in our own eyes. Instead of being God’s/Gaia’s/the Universe’s children, special and gifted each in our own unique way; instead of such a consciousness we get entrapped in feeling less than, reduced or victimized, caught perhaps in a downward spiral dragged deeper by this dark pull. The opportunity I speak of is to simply change our focus: to be grateful for what we have (for we all have a LOT), and to take every opportunity to bless another. Do this as a simple decision, a choice of on what to focus, and whether it happens dramatically or gradually, your experience of yourself and this season will become different. This is my intention then for this period: to be grateful, to remember who I AM, and to bless others as I find the opportunity to do so! J

May you be blessed and a blessing! J

Your brother Dan J

feeling blue . . .

I am feeling a bit blue today, it's that time of year and there is a major blizzard blowing. I'm cooped up alone in the house with my internet friends for company as I work away on business development and getting our new charity going. I am tired and a bit disheartened. . . but I know better than to BE this mood, rather this mood will change just like the weather outside will change - who I AM is more than this mood. From my eastern teacher I learned that there are four sources of energy, and that when our energy is low, we tend to feel depressed even hopeless. By simply taking care of ourselves, by providing ourselves with enough energy, we feel very different about the same circumstances. The four sources of energy then are sleep, fresh fruit and vegetables, fresh air, and meditation or a quiet mind. All of these contribute to increasing or lowering our "life force" or prana: the higher our prana, the better we feel, the lower, the more depressed. There is much more that can be said about this, but I guess my main point is - don't worry too much about feeling blue today, don't get over-impressed by how bad your situation seems when you feel like this. Rather, get more sleep, eat fresh fruit and vegetables, get out in nature (near water is good) and breathe deeply some fresh air, and, practice focusing on something that makes you feel more peaceful, more tranquil. Doing so increases your energy levels, which in turn positively affect your mood. But, remember, your moods and feelings are always changing, for reasons often beyond your conscious awareness or control: as such they are best treated like the weather, something you experience but something that does not define you. Thus you do not have to medicate them, or worry about them, but rather accept your present moment, accept yourself, and in this acceptance, the conditions for a deeper knowledge of yourself are born.


In the end, "feeling blue . . ." without panic or need to medicate, but rather with full self-acceptance, can in the end be a gift, as who you really are becomes more and more available to you; for in the end, your life is a gift, and, you are a gift given to many. Feeling blue can in the end be the wake up call to who you really are . . . :)