online spirituality

More and more we are connecting with each other online; in my case through Facebook and Twitter. While text may seem like a limiting medium to some and “being online” an unnatural use of time and energy; those of us who have immersed ourselves in our online connectivity and use it to grow our face-to-face relationships as well as new ones born on the net so to speak, can attest to the depth and heights, even the transcendence of these interactions.

On my path, I simply walk with people who will walk with me. We end up sharing a few things in common – among them being somehow different from mainstream people, with a strong sense of vision or purpose that empowers us. In the next little while I will post some of these conversations, not only as witness of the spiritual possibilities of online communication, but also as an invitation to join in with us on our paths of transformation, lurking on the fringes of our discussion, or even joining in.

So here’s a long excerpt from a conversation P (other side of the world) and I (in Ottawa) had a week or so ago: I have not edited out the normal “grunge” of online chat so that you may savour the authentic flavour of this repast. Do note that there is perhaps a 30 second delay between sending and receiving, and so sometimes you see us responding to statements after a few comments of our own.

enjoy!:

in 20 or 30 years, when you're sitting in your rocking chair and perhaps playing golf regularly you will remember these times with great pleasure, having lots of stories to tell your grand children

this is the time of your life to really make things happen

8:24amP

yes...true! I am experiencing them now with great pleasure too!

yes..

I agree!

totally!

to me the best years I have had..so far.

8:24amDaniel

:)

8:25amP

the first bit was just preparation.

but for what?

8:25amDaniel

that's right

8:25amP

well I know now!

or at least better.

8:25amDaniel

you're already in the middle of it P

8:25amP

just had to keep my path going and inthe right direction

yes...

8:25amDaniel

and it's not the plan or the horizon that matters but the way you walk and handle things day to day - that's where it all happens

yup

8:26amP

glad I had the courage and encouragement to do it.

yes..makes sense...

being present, aware.

8:26amDaniel

those of in that magical mix, around and through whom things happen - that's how it is

8:26amP

yes...magical is a word for sure!

And the coincidences just keep on happening...

8:26amDaniel

so is presence and awareness!! :o))

8:26amP

yes!

8:27amDaniel

start calling them synchronicities or even better - God-incidences! :o))

8:27amP

now the coincidences are more influenced by my wishes..

as long as they are genuine and not self focussed.

can't spell that word.

8:27amDaniel

GOT IT

8:27amP

the C word I can.

8:28amDaniel

you can spell God-incidences or at least "meaningful coincidences"

8:28amPeter

ok or coincidences for short...

lol

8:28amDaniel

when you say God - you know that doesn't mean you're buying all the religious stuff that comes with the word

LoL

8:28amP

Did I say God?

8:28amDaniel

what else do we call "the one in whom we live and move and have our being"

8:28amP

I thought that was you!

8:29amDaniel

yes - I'm encouraging you to use the word my friend! :o))

not that it matters at all

8:29amP

hmmm...I believe in a sense in a God, but not a being though.

no, I am just teasing.

I do use it..

8:29amDaniel

LoL

8:29amP

or my preferred word...Allah.

8:29amDaniel

yes Allah is great!! in many ways

8:30amP

I think my way of viwing thhe world is more pagan like

8:30amDaniel

over a beer sometime I'll have the Jesus/Abba discussion with you

8:30amP

not that i understand it that well..just rings truer to me.

8:30amDaniel

did you know that Jesus did not come to start a religion?

8:30amP

Abba...yeah they are great!

8:30amDaniel

LoL

what he taught is potentially transformative within any religion

8:31amP

He was setting up a store or somethign right?

8:31amDaniel

anyhow - nuff of htat

8:31amP

carpenter?

can\t remember..

8:31amDaniel

I like your sense of humour

8:31amP

why did he first come? interested.

8:31amDaniel

He was a guy like us

8:31amP

thx

not everyone does!

especially the brits over here.

8:32amDaniel

someone who knew he was "special" and something was planned for him

8:32amP

hmmmm...this feels familiar!

8:32amDaniel

was so close to "the one in whom we live and move and have our being" that he told his followers to call God "Abba" which in Aramaic means "Dadda"

he walked around like an infant holding the creator's hand

absolute trust, total enjoyment

8:33amP

did he have curly brown hair and a beard?

8:33amDaniel

but as one called he "got up the noses" of the religious establishment

ha ha ha

looked more like your Arab buddies wise guy!!

should I continue?

8:33amP

yes.

keep going..the humour are memory jogs for the future for me..sorry!

8:34amDaniel

you see us humans don't deal very well with people who have direct experience of "the divine"

don't apologize! :o))

8:34amP

ok...take it back.

8:35amDaniel

so we create religion - rules, rituals, ways of reassuring ourself that we are clsoe to God - but without necessarily providing the direct experience

ironically we are immersed in God but oblivious to that fact

trained to understand a world without the spiritual dimension

8:35amP

this makes sense to me

8:36amDaniel

bascially improverished, hungry - as Augustine said - we have a God-sized hole in our heart

8:36amP

yes, a focus on what our senses show us...the forms shapes and sounds, the physical world.

8:36amDaniel

anyhow - realization or enlightenment for Eastern Masters is much the same experience as waking up and realiizing we are chidlren of God - specially called - full of charisms and grace if only we knew it

but most people don't

so they trudge along worrying about what other people think and trying to satisfy themselves with possessions, etc.

only a few people, people like you and I, get it, or may get it

the rest don't

so . . . what are you thinking?

8:38amP

hmmmm...why do you say I get it?

8:38amDaniel

it's about direct experience of who you actually are as one connected to that which is more than you are

8:38amP

I am thinking actually, that this all makes sense...I am also thinking about

8:38amDaniel

when you start acting like that, making decision like that - then you're one of the special ones

8:39amP

ego, individuality and the pursuit of both...

how this denial of innerconnectivity takes over our actions and conscious thoughts...

8:39amDaniel

uh-huh

8:40amP

when we are "born" it seems to me we have to work very hard to figure out who we are and capable of just to survive,

8:40amDaniel

yes

working with the tools at hand

8:40am

this naturally means we need space froom the others around us to do this.

problem is this becomes our goals...

we get stuck there.

always thinking of self...how we differ from others.

8:41amDaniel

if you were to study human perception - you see that we "see" selectively

8:41amP

and how the material world successes enables us to display those differeinces.

our clothes, etc.

yes..makes sense...

8:41amDaniel

right - in a false image, a false construct

so selective seeing means that we ignore aspects of our experience that would connect us deeply within - or to the One

8:41amP

just as the "coincidences" or those other words, I believe we may selectively notice.

8:42amDaniel

and instead stay trapped like rats running on a wheel

God is always inviting us to the greater reality

8:42amP

yes....there is a lot of fear!

8:42amDaniel

something inside is always yearning for it

8:42amP

lot of ego to protect us from our fears.

8:42amDaniel

absolutely fear keeps us trapped!!

8:42amP

yes...I understand.

the world is moving so fast, hard to find a place for many to slow down to see this.

8:43amDaniel

your "self" has been expanding for some time now

8:43amP

also, easier to do surronded by nature.

8:44amDaniel

the constructed world is built to distract, entertain and comfort so that we never get to what really matters

8:44amP

I am very conscious of ego, labels, and things.

8:44amDaniel

uh-huh

8:44amP

yes, it has become more than just for survival...

the material things, a total preoccupation, how our shopping malls are the new religioin.

but how unsatisfying it is...

8:45amDaniel

and sports stadiums, movie theatres

8:45amP

we have to go back and back to fill tha yearning

8:45amDaniel

absolutely - we are being anethsetized

8:45amP

yes...but the difference for me of sports stadiums is the collective energy one feels

it can be incredible.

8:45amDaniel

have to risk, have to surrender

8:45amP

whenn we speak and feel as one.

yes...how to do this is the challenge!

and at the root of all ths must be love.

8:46amDaniel

true - it does open our potential to us - but in a way that ultimately misses what matters

8:46amP

without it..ain't gonna work.

not lust, not the crazy hand wringing love...

not the sleepless type

but true love.

8:46amDaniel

yes in greek the word is agape - which means unconditional love

as opposed to eros or filia

8:47amP

okay..

yes, unconditional very important concept!

Yes...okay..

8:47amDaniel

when you simply want the best for the other person, for other people, without the What's in it for me factor (WIFM) - that is unconditional love

8:48amP

joy is another key state

yes...

8:48amDaniel

ecstacy even!!

8:48amP

yes..I agree with you!

Okay....so starting to see why you said you and I...

have or are awakening.

8:48amDaniel

at the core of our being, when we are in flow, ecstacy, unconditional love, contentment or peace are our natural feelings

8:49amP

hmmm..makes sense...

have felt that state a lot since coming here to Oman.

8:49amDaniel

yes, I know

8:49amP

I never feel lonely, even though no family here.

8:49amDaniel

I'm very happy for you . . .

it was like that for me in Ghana as well

8:49amP

I live alone, and spend many days that way....still not lonely.

its great.

8:49amDaniel

but I'm also learning to be like that wherever I am

8:49amP

Thanks!

yes....it is wonderful isn't it?

yes....this is true...

8:50amDaniel

absolutley!

8:50amP

good poiint.

8:50amDaniel

lovely connecting with you at this level P

8:50amP

It is much easier to be like that when one has gotten some strength and experience with it.

8:50amDaniel

heart-warming in fact

8:50amP

yeah this is great!

this conversation is just flowing;

8:50amDaniel

yes, the spiritual path is mostly about the work after the awakening

8:51amP

like streams of conjoined consciousness.

8:51amDaniel

to unlearn the first decades of habits, assumptions, thinking patterns, beliefs, etc.

8:51amP

so...an interestign other side of the coin is..

8:51amDaniel

yup yup yup

I'm listening

8:51amP

okay I will hold my thought (on empathy)

oh..okay..

as this awakenking has been happening I feel i am more in tune with the others around me.

i can feel them more..

sense the core issues they are facing.

even almost sense their thoughts, often

8:52amDaniel

right

8:52amP

unexpressed or articulated..

8:52amDaniel

welcome to who we really are P

8:52amP

but I can express those thoughts for them.

happens all the time at meetings.

8:53amDaniel

other cutures that have not done the materialistic thing have had this intution, wisdom for a long time

very cool!

8:53amP

i used to think these were my ideas, but in truth.

8:53amDaniel

makes you very effective!

8:53amP

not..I just sensed them, expressed them.

hmmm...

wow..this is interesting.

8:53amDaniel

there is a concept - a word for this

8:53amP

however, when one is like that, and is not feeling strong, the empathy can make it difficult to keep going.

you are so susceptible to those feelings.

what is the word?

8:54amDaniel

they call it reading the "field" that we all in fact are not only physical beings but carry a field (auora) - and sensitive people pick up the fields of others

I know what you mean about finding it hard to keep moving

8:54amP

okay...yes, I understand totally.

8:55amDaniel

sometimes I've been doubled over in pain and in tears because of the wall of pain I hit

8:55amP

this field is partially what connects us.

8:55amDaniel

other's pain

yes that's right

8:55amP

wow...I am not that empathic yet.

8:56amDaniel

it's a rare exprience for me - but on the other hand I don't regularly experience what you're talking about - our gifts are different

8:56amP

yes..I suppose our filters or "sensers" are different.

Hmmmm...this is interesting.

8:56amDaniel

we are of course each unique - and I really edmire what you can do with meetings

8:56amP

I had a conversation with someone the other day who

Thanks!

8:57amDaniel

people who are sensitive like you sometimes use rituals to "cleanse" themselves of other people's issues and affects

8:57amP

oh yes?

Over here it seems to be one of hitting the bottle.

really!

but does not work for me. interested.

what do you suggest?

8:58amDaniel

the New Agers will use candles, incense, even wash their face or take a shower as an outward symbol of cleansing themselves (in a sense staying separate from) what they've taken in from someone else

8:58amP

interesting...

8:58amDaniel

I use alcohol as well

8:58amP

incense is very popular here.

From the Frankincense tree.

Yeah me too!

but even more so...

8:59amDaniel

but we both know that regularly using alcohol is not a solution but just a temporary fix with its own complications

8:59amP

I have been very conscious of washing my face for the past severl months...funny you mention that one.

I love to do it..use a lavendar based soap.

huh...funny that!

9:00amDaniel

well symbolically again - our face is our sense of who we are

washing ourselves means separating stuff from us that we don't own or want

so when your boundaries are too fluid - and you actually feel the impact of someone else's mood - or worse feel them draining your energy - it's important that you can "separate" yourself from that experience

9:01amP

yes....

9:01amDaniel

a ritual P is something you do meaningfully - you will find your own

go ahead

9:02amP

welll when I wash my face, it actuallly feels ritualistic, now that I think of it..

it did feel like i was dong more than just getting rid of grime and dead cells from the surface.

It seems to make more sense now.

9:02amDaniel

so the more consciously you "participate" in the ritual - and the more you pull into it your greater sense of self/God, etc. the more powerfully it will assist you

9:03amP

the refreshing nature of the washing was always more than skin deep.

9:03amDaniel

uh-huh

9:03amP

Okay i will try this....see what happens.

I think I understand how to do this, what it means.

9:03amDaniel

you know how holy people are often portrayed as having light around their faces

9:03amP

important too to verbalize I believe.

9:04amDaniel

agreed

9:04amP

yes.

facebook a little messed up here.

9:04amDaniel

are you aware that you are radiant?

9:04amP

who? you mean all of us..

9:04amDaniel

you personally

9:04amP

me?

hmmmm...

9:05amDaniel

I've seen this for a while now

9:05amP

what do you mean?

9:05amDaniel

spiritually sensitive people can see this

those who read auras see brighter, whiter light around those whose selves are more expanded

Jesus told his disciples "you are the light of the world"

you've had a shining personality for sometime now P

9:06amP

huh! gee...shucks.

9:07amDaniel

so your ace washing, is in one sense, a dropping of conditioned, limiting identifications - that pull you down and drain your energy (almost like dirt or tar) and free you to shine as you really are

9:07amP

trying to tame mr ego right now!

9:07amDaniel

ah -- I can only say this stuff to you now because you are working on your ego - because earlier you certainly were getting a swelled head - no doubt about it

9:07amP

huh...interesting.

what!? me? swelled head?

9:08amDaniel

when we're free to BE without needing to be well respected - then we truly are free

heh heh

9:09amP

I believe that respect will come anyway, if our path is true and our means honest...

9:09amDaniel

of course

9:09amP

Of course what you said about jesus before is a point where the respect may not be given.

but that is due to vested interests or the fear thing.

9:10amDaniel

??

missed something

9:10amP

When you mentioned that Jesus upset the Religious leaders of the day.

9:10amDaniel

its okay - I remember

yup

it's just that in the conditioned world we need this stuff . . . as you are freed into who you really are, you are more a channel of grace - like Jesus was

9:11amP

hmmm...yes.

9:11amDaniel

you can face total opposition from everyone that "matters" and still be true

9:11amP

hmmm..yes.

makes sense.

opposition in a way, passes right through you.

without touching you..

another one of those ironies, of which there are many!

9:12amDaniel

yup!! good insights!! but we do need affirmation - it's just that when you're connected to ultimate reality - people's opinions don't matter as much

what makes this stuff difficult to talk about is not our shared experience, but all the religious baggage associated with jesus or God language

9:13amP

yes...I must agree.I am afraid I am not well versed at all in the Christian faith, or any other one..

for some reason, just did not, or does not resonate with me.

9:14amDaniel

but when you hit the simpler faith of good people - something attracts you - thus Allah feels interesting

9:15amP

yes...it does, you are right.

so does paganism, the native rituals..

more grounded, more real..more turned in the direction

9:15amDaniel

absolutely and so does walks out in nature

9:15amP

that intuivietly makes sense to me.

yes.

9:16amDaniel

i can soar in ecstacy simply at the sight of a wonderful cloudscape or the stars at night

9:16amP

Yes, acctually me too.

or the smell of a pine or cedar forest.

or the waves washiing on the shore.

9:17amDaniel

:)

anytime your senses are filled with the beauty of creation

"you fill up my senses" comes to mind

9:17amP

As we mess with nature, with the beauty of reation as you put it, then we are really messing with ourselves.

9:18amDaniel

that's for sure!!!

and we are really messed up now

9:18amP

not only with the phsyical/biological world, but how all the energy is moved amongst us.

9:18amDaniel

look at all the auto-immune diseases

9:18amP

and the quality and richeness of that energy.

yes...and these are physical manisfestations.

of something much deeper.

9:19amDaniel

and the deadness of our souls that comes from constructed numbing out built on the carcasses of so many living beings, treated with disrespect, inhumanity ./ . .

9:19amP

yes....a downward spiral...

hmmm..seems like some sort of cleansing will be needed soon!

9:19amDaniel

with evermore neon lights to keep us entranced

9:20amP

or a dramatic change in how we behave.

yes...

9:20amDaniel

now you know where apocalyptic imagery comes from (end of the world type stuff)

9:20amP

yes.

I have to head to the washroom...nothign to do with apocalypse or anything..

brb

9:21amDaniel

k

my former teacher (guru) once said, "God loves diversity"

well we are killing off God's beloved diversity - whether you consider bio-diversity or the diversity of human cultures - we are homogenizing everything into something increasingly lifeless and tasteless

9:23amP

yes...

to me a fear based process, a need to reduce nature to a simplicity that we can understand.

to take nature from God's image to man's

9:24amDaniel

fear and control go hand in hand

9:23amP

if you will.

However, this is the strenght of tourism.

why people want to travel, to experience other cultures and places.

9:24amDaniel

wow - that's a quotable quote!!!

9:24amP

because of a desire and need for this diversity.

but not for everyone.

those that go for the beaches and sun..no.

lol

9:25amDaniel

agreed

(taking nature from God's image to man's)

I will definitely use that if that's okay

9:25amP

yeah...thanks

no problem..it was our conversation that precipated it.

so it is as much yours as mine!

9:26amDaniel

thanks!

anyhow - it would be something like a nugget from our online conversation - an example of God's work in our virtual world or some such thing! :)

might show up in my blog

9:27amP

When you get here, you will see the splenders of the ancient sculptures that nature has created.

9:27amDaniel

uh-huh :)

9:27amP

interesting to think about when i was in the Louvre..which i did.

yes..to the above parts..

sorry...phone ringing..other room.

9:28amDaniel

much as I love art - I'll take creation's beauty anytime

c ya

Social Media Polluters! Greed and Self-Aggrandizement on Twitter

On Twitter, @nickcharney Retweeted @mitchjoel: The dirty little secret of the Twitter Elite

http://www.twistimage.com/blog/archives/the-dirty-little-secret-of-the-twitter-elite.

This is an excellent article tracing the history of the takeover of what began as a social media space with a minimalist communitarian ethic (I’ll follow you if you’ll follow me) into what is now a technology driven “get your message out” space in which it’s “all about me” rather than listening to and learning from each other.

My response to this article was only one of a number of thoughtful and provocative comments:

You just touched on one of the most important points about Twitter, but dropped it, just as a previous author I respect touched on affiliate marketing but then allowed that it was respectable. Is anyone going to stand up and say that being in it for yourself, that duping others to spend money chasing impossible dreams is immoral and a cancer in the soul of America? Is anyone going to say that treating everyone one you relate to as a means to your personal aggrandizement instead of an end in themselves, is anyone else going to say that this makes a mockery of "In God we Trust"?

Twitter started with some attempt at community, and there are still people who actually like to talk to each other, network with each other, discover new things and new people from each other. Instead of rolling over and ceding yet another piece of social real estate to the selfish, the immoral and the blind, perhaps we can learn to block out those who are only clanging cymbals or pounding drums in their own names, and promote those we know who truly value and contribute to community. Just a thought . . .

Despite retweeting Mitch’s article myself, I thought there was still more to say on the topic.

Currently I spend time in Facebook, where I often utilize chat to talk to people I’ve met on Twitter and other friends around the world as well as Friendstock which is a co-operative game where one gets to meet people in a low risk, low investment setting. It is interesting that in friendstock those who value a communitarian, looking out for each other approach to the game group together and tell the predators (only in it for themselves) to get lost. So far in Twitter, I’m the only person I know who routinely publicly blocks spammers, those who demonstrate their Twitter know-how to clog up our screens with their achievements of multiple consecutive posts. I’m still just barely tolerating those who are only on Twitter for self-promotion purposes and who seemingly couldn’t give a flying f@*& for anyone else on Twitter except as a potential buyer of whatever it is they’re trying to sell. I’m so tired of watching the scammers scam the desperate wannabe scammers – all of them thinking that somehow this is acceptable social behaviour!! Can you imagine being in a neighbourhood where everyone was like this, and every first-time conversation inevitably ended up with what you had for sale, and then ignoring people afterwards if they weren’t interested.

So people, instead of the mindless, lemming-like rush to “get rich” why don’t the real people start banding together, blocking anyone who’s cluttering the tweetways with their pathetic approaches to “look at me so I can try to sell you something” so that we can get back to real human intercourse in this cool social media space we share? Or is it too late, and in fact, like some cheesey sci-fi horror movie, most tweets are already “one of them” with glassed over eyes, tweeting the same words and phrases to each other hearing in the distance an illusory “bling bling.”

The secret to being happy in difficult times

There's a song many of us know: it has a happy lilting melody and rhythm and invites us to "Don't worry, be happy." It's a lovely song and reminds us not to become preoccupied with our troubles or difficulties, but to instead, "Don't worry, be happy."

So how do people go about putting this advice into practice? Well I'm going to divide the field into a few categories if I may. There's the distraction and numb out approach; there's the solve the problem approach, and there's the "shift your focus" approach.

As solid, responsible people, let's start with the "solve the problem approach." Sometimes this is great: doing research, getting advice, trying different things with the determination to succeed can accomplish quite a bit. There are in fact many problems or life situations in which progress can be made with this approach. But we also know that in fact in the end, we don't have control over our lives, or our environments, no matter how much we would like to believe we do; for many of us we are faced with this when illness, loss of career or marriage, an accident, etc. confront us with our mortality, with the fragility of life. But even in disaster we don't have to be reduced to the pitiful helplessness of victims.

The 2nd group are those who cope with pain, trauma or difficult situations they are unable to manage or control by seeking relief in distraction or "numbing out" behaviours. Any relief found in ingesting or indulging is temporary and often leads to more issues down the road. These people often end up with very established habits, even addictions, that then become problematic in and of themselves.

Finally, there's the shift your focus approach, with variations I know of in both the East and the West. A teacher I respect more than any other person walking this earth today likes to say, "everything is always changing." He also likes to encourage us to consider feelings as internal weather that comes and goes and also is always changing. This is of course, actually true, it is a perceptual choice to see something as unchanging because we and the universe are in constant flux and motion. The problem is we get stuck in our problems, stuck with a certain understanding of ourselves and others, stuck within our own supposed limitations. For an example of someone who knows the cost of staying stuck, and so never gives up watch this short video of Nick Vujicic, "Are you going to finish strong."

So what keeps us stuck? What prevents us from continuing to work at it until we overcome? It isn't just our beliefs in our limitations or of our helplessness in difficult circumstances, it's also our beliefs about what it takes to be happy. We are unhappy when we don't have we want or believe we need and if we stay focused on the "not having" we can end up paralyzed in depression and despair. However, beliefs can be changed; changing the beliefs changes how you feel; and realizing you are more than your feelings gives you the freedom to let a mood pass instead of being dominated by it. Just like a parent can out wait the feeling storm of their little child all the while loving and holding her or him; we too can out wait our own reactions, calming ourselves down, because sometimes we too just need a little reassurance, even from our adult selves.

Jesus told us the same thing about our place in the universe. He told us that the Creator is our Abba (literally Dadda in Aramaic) and that those who relate to the One in whom we live and move and have our being as a very small child, are in fact living in a whole new reality. This is my experience: being able to simply walk in life like a little child of the One frees me from worrying about many things and certainly reassures me of how loved and special I am. Waking up to the reality of being created children, of not having to understand everything or try to be in control (believing we truly understand or are in control is itself an illusion!), frees me to delight in the little or big things of life as they come along, rather than staying wrapped up in the stuff that in the end does not really matter; or so it seems to me! We can be responsible, do the right action as seems to be best, and yet be unattached to the result as we trust ourselves in Abba's hands!

So don't worry, be happy! You ARE loved, You ARE protected, You ARE provided for if only you can wake up and realize that it's true! :)

Blame, judgment, projection & the spiritual path

This path known by many names but travelled by only a few, this path of surrender, of service, of self-realization, of grace and blessing, this path of transformation for those who have left or are leaving the world behind, this path as it continues to rise up before me weaves its spell of new insight, of self-recognition and in so doing blesses me, and makes me a vehicle of blessing for those around me.

But anyone with the power to bless also has the power to curse, and this perhaps is why Jesus was SO strong on us not judging, not condemning our sisters and brothers but rather forgiving them as part of our walk of love. If there is a needed change, it is in being lovingly accepted that a change is more likely, rather than in having a finger wagged in your face. But, more importantly, this habit, this tendency, this attitude of finding others blameworthy is rooted in our own insecurities, our own fear, even our own self-hatred.

As one who has committed himself to a life of loving service I nevertheless this week increasingly became aware of my own tendencies to judge, complete with righteous anger no less! For example, I’ve been starting to say what I think to some Tweeple on Twitter about how offensive I find their “marketing practices,” as increasingly they are setting up false attractive identities (young woman) as a way of getting you to click on a link/URL that is supposed to take you to this woman’s website but instead gives you some stupid get rich now thing to sign – just type in your email address! But worse are those people who pose as good Christian or spiritual people who really just want to sell you their own get rich quick scheme. I have gone after a few of these people, but then found myself in the messy situation of discussing someone’s way of doing business, of following God and leading their own lives. Perhaps something good will result from such an interaction, but it is a far cry from the satisfaction that comes from calling a spade a spade, especially when it’s someone else’s spade that you are naming!

So where does this feeling of satisfaction come from? In the case of Twitter, I too am a person representing myself to the world through this particular medium and working both on the face I present (trying to be as authentic as possible) and what in fact I have to sell if anything. So even a cursory look inwards turns up all kinds of mixed motivations and ambivalences that find some resolution in finger-pointing.

Then there’s soccer, where I felt righteous enough to take on the new manager of my team, the one I managed last year, but in pursuing Africa left it for someone else to rescue. Having rejoined the team just before the season will start, I reacted strongly to something he said in email about a couple of players. Again there was this telling feeling of satisfaction, and again, of course, stuff to deal with after calling a spade a spade. Speaking the truth in love does not result in self-righteous satisfaction; something else is going on.

But in an even cuter twist that the Spirit, the One in whom we live and move and have our being, the blessed magic of my path, has synchronistically brought to my attention, is this pattern of mine which begins with me, who after all lives in flow, pulling together or allowing to emerge a situation for which I have the vision, I get it, but then others don’t and things fall apart. Here again, I’ve woken up to realize that I badly want someone else to take the fall, if only in my mind, rather than looking at how my way of doing things is not working. I say synchronicity because it so happened that I was confronted with our (Saint Cecilia’s Singers) need to record our upcoming practice and/or performance (see poster), which brought again to mind the failure of the spontaneous recording of our last concert (we never got anything out of it) which I had organized. I felt I should tell our director how is actions had kiboshed the whole thing, which I least had the discretion to do privately. His response included the failures in communication that led to the misunderstanding.

I got an email today as well about how in the end the money sent by a friend to Ghana for supporting the start of our NGO was dispersed to another worthy cause because our NGO is a no go: again I had a vision for how it all should go, the pieces were coming together nicely and then it all fell apart. I so much want to blame someone else!!!

Finally, I’m presently struggling mightily (hmmm, doesn’t sound very flow-like does it?) to get a project I’m managing to come together as I see it . . . but the guys are not seeing it my way, and it has not come together yet. Perhaps now we’ll see how patience, being grounded in everyone’s input, confidence, etc., rather than simply my own and my ability to carry the day (sell water to fishermen) will bring US to that flow. We shall see . . . but returning to the main theme then . . .

It is when my own sense of self, my own ego, is threatened by a failure that implicates me, or by a way of acting that I’m repulsed by but also attracted, it’s the internal need to resolve my own ambivalence by projecting the blame onto another person that makes me feel that satisfaction, that calling a spade a spade that leaves me feeling righteous! There is so much work to do on this path, so much clearing away of illusions, defenses, assumptions, etc., The nice thing about this hard work is that it’s not only the work of an adult taking responsibility for his stuff and supporting other in doing the same, it’s also the work of a beloved child, held and supported by the One, our Abba, learning to love anew, to see anew, and to increasingly be free, free to play and dance lovingly with those I’m given to share this journey.

grace and blessings to you, whatever your path

may you also find yourself held by One! :)

Technorati Tags: spiritual path,judgment,projection,ego,surrender,love,service,blessing,flow,Spirit,the One

The Centre of the Confusion

Some people, like myself, because of some early trauma in life, have developed what Winnicott called a "false self;" one which was constructed to please Mom and other significant people as a way to seemingly guarantee getting one's required care and attention through an attunement to Mom's moods and needs (to the detriment of the normal connection to one's own needs) and the development of pleasing and helpful behaviours. Pleasing Mom or any other significant person like a teacher, spouse, etc., was such a person's way of ensuring their own needs would be met. Such a person, when answering the call to leave all and follow Jesus, to live for others, to live from the heart out of which flows the healing and transforming grace we all need, such a person requires healing and transformation: this includes the unmaking of old patterns, habits, assumptions, motivations, etc., the death of the old self, and the regeneration of a new way of being and doing in the world.

There is however a significant confusion at the centre of the required transformation: I have been blessed enough to have a question put to me three times in the last week or so (twice in the last two days) a question that leaves me both further enlightened and quite confused. Let me explain. The question is a simple one, the first time it was asked it was, "Why do you want to go to Africa so much." The related question that hit the same point was asked in the face of a number of interesting and potentially rewarding opportunities: and it was, "What does your heart say." This simple question is incredibly important, because our Creator, the One in whom we live and move and have our being, the reality that supports our existence in ways we cannot even imagine, inspired Solomon, Israel's wisest king, to say:

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37.4)

Now I've been delighting myself in our Divine Lover, my Abba (Dadda in Aramaic) for some time now, but when it comes to the desires of my heart, I realize that I am so powerfully drawn to meeting other people's needs, that beyond meeting their needs, I have no idea. What is confusing of course is that I am called into loving service, but if this service is from a "false self" constructed to mitigate trauma and ensure I get what I need, then my drive to serve can be operating from the wrong motivation. Meanwhile my constructed sense of self, the identity that I project to the world, is quite satisfying as I am a humble servant, dedicated to serving others, but in the words of a friend of mine, perhaps also a professional codependent. The key is the motivation.

Now I've been going through a deconstruction of this ego or sense of self, and have therefore been becoming more and more aware of this need to be needed that has driven much of my walk with others over the last year or so: I was never so at peace and so satisfied as when I was helping or supporting others. But as I've become aware of these interior dynamics I have been both ceasing and desisting from reaching for these satisfactions as well as holding my younger self more and more. (Winnicott believed that the provision of a reliable holding environment gave the afflicted person the conditions in which to grow past the false self constructs into a more authentic being: holding simply means being warmly present to.) At the same time I have have also stopped describing with certainty the "inevitable" results of my business activities, developing a certain detachment to my activities, as I continue to simply walk with the ONE and those I'm given.

Now as for the realization that has finally come to rest today as I continue to allow this question to work away at me: "What does my heart say?" You see, as one who is detaching from the need to be needed, I've realized that I really don't know what my heart wants! I am however comfortable with not knowing but holding the experience as I unfold. Now I realize that what makes the many options opening in front of me attractive is what other people see in me: the meeting of their needs, the fulfillment of their desires: there is no stronger tonic for a false self constructed person such as myself. But now I'm not attached to the outcome of any of these potential opportunities, but rather I'm simply walking with the people involved as we find our way to what God has in mind for me, and perhaps for each of them. I know that a key to this will be my discovery of my own "heart's desires," for not only do I delight in Abba, but I am surrendered so that S/He is able to remake my heart according to her/his purposes. My task is simply to BE ME, the loving and beloved child I was created to be, the gift of light and life to those who are seeking.

To say the same thing in a language accessible to those who do not do the divine object thing, say my Buddhist or psychoanalytic friends, what I am doing is taking apart the delusional ego constructs that were developed in response to a traumatic situation. In so doing, I am becoming more aware of who I actually am in the fullest sense of those words. Self-realization must include such a transformational journey, before and/or after the moment of one's awakening. There is every bit the need to drop the old habits and ways of being and doing on these transformation paths as there is on the path of being a disciple of Jesus. In fact, Buddhists, Hindus, followers of Jesus and psychoanalysts all have in common the master/disciple or teacher/student relationship which is often provides the context and support for such self-transformation.

So I say to all who have realized their disenchantment with the world, who have committed themselves to some vision of transforming the world, and have realized to some degree this transformation in themselves, I say, "Walk on sisters and brothers" for we have the grace and power of the universe co-operating with us, supporting us in our unfolding as we become lights on the way for those who are searching for a better way. We recognize each other not so much from the verbal and conceptual constructs we use to frame our self-understanding, our theology, our pictures of the Divine, but rather we recognize in each other people on the path having the same experiences, being transformed in the same manner. I am so blessed to have sisters and brothers from so many different religious and spiritual traditions who are on this path of suffering, renunciation and liberation, surrendered to the greatest horizon of their experience! J

Dazed and confused in the desert :)

I started out without finishing a couple of blog postings in the last few weeks, one of which was entitled "dazed & confused in the desert." I will start my reflections with this one after saying that I am okay if swamped by many things these days. More on that later: first the reflection I started sometime ago that gives you the feel for my ongoing experience and walk.

I've been resonating a lot lately with the Hebrews' exodus and desert experiences: the desert is the place to get Egypt out of you, lonely, uncomfortable and barren yet full of a life of its own. Egypt is of course a handy metaphor for "the world" today, being as most of us living in the world are in its chains (job, social expectations, etc.), and like the rich young man are just not able to drop everything to go with God wherever he calls you. However, sometimes God disrupts our illusory existence by calling us: Moses called Abraham's descendants, Jesus called his disciples, and still calls those today who will in fact drop everything and follow him.

Once you are following, then comes the desert, the confusion of having to relearn everything (dropping old habits and identifications and being refined by the loving but firey finger of the Spirit who unmakes and then reshapes us. You notice how much God's chosen people considered themselves cursed and simply wanted to go back to Egypt? It's not easy wandering in the desert, being undone and remade in the process!So as someone going through this ongoing traumatic yet uplifting experience, (agony and ecstacy being in some ways as close as love and hate it would seem but I digress in perhaps too exaggerated a manner! :) ) I find myself unconsciously grasping at straws to prop up a sense of self: and in fact they keep being offered to me.

One friend has said you're such a wonderful counsellor - you should put out a shingle, another has said you are such a good recruiter (IT) you should be a recruiter. I have people I've met on Twitter asking me to to mentor them. Then there's the opportunities! You see I have a growing number of irons in the fire as I seek for what it is God is leading me into: I don't have a clue whether any will turn out, and suspect that if any do, they will do so in an unexpected fashion. Oh, I tell you, wandering in the desert and seeing what looks like a familiar and hopeful sign is often an illusion, conjured up not so much by water vapour and sunlight, but by my own desires, memories and habits of thinking, as combined with what people see in me.

Until fairly recently I would go around describing what I was doing (therefore in some sense who I am) with reference to this or that possiblity I was persuing, giving them more reality than actually exists simply by use of optimism, enthusiasm and being able to sell water to a fisherman. So now, as I am increasingly overwhelmed with the number of seemingly high quality opportunities, I am also increasingly unattached to the outcome of any of these activities. Rather I try to maintain enough local business (money now) through window cleaning, carpet cleaning & supporting a strong painting/renovation team, while I continue to give the long range opportunities the energy they require, at least as much as I can manage at the time:

• I'm trying to get international development going with growing possibilities in Ghana and Ethiopia but I'm not from that field and only paying attention to it part-time
• I'm being considered for a 6 - 12 month term managing an IT project in Ghana
• I'm working on an opportunity in Oman to do a sustainable cultural eco-tourism strategy as part of InterCulture http://aix1.uottawa.ca/~iculture/eng/index_eng.html
• I've been invited to consider becoming part of a start-up Buddhist University in Taiwan to work in their department of philanthropy
• I'm looking at starting a Software company (search engine for social media sites) and/or a 2nd stage addictions treatment facility combined with a trades business in the Cornwall area
• I'm trying to find work for my Russian IT genius buddy who's currently unemployed
• I'm spending more and more time in Social Media environments like Twitter and Facebook - and as a result getting stronger in the understanding of why to establish a presence there and how to achieve desired results - so I'm starting to advise people on Twitter
• I'm still supporting friends, walking with them, being with them as needed, and, of course still being transformed myself in the process

I'm a sales guy, a counsellor, a mediator, a marketing guy, a business manager and my gifts are in human transformation and finding solutions to complex problems, whatever they might be - because in the end they're all human problems. But I'm also a disciple of Jesus, one who left the world behind to walk to the beat of a different drummer, and yet who is in the world trying to sort out "being in but not of the world." All the while I'm guided by the Spirit, by God-incidences, doors opening and closing, walking without attachment and more and more being unmade and refashioned by that fiery finger of Divine Love.On top of all of this I'm trying to figure out who the hell I am when it comes to presenting myself to the world. I've been experimenting for some time with "Brother Daniel" as a working or stage identity - and thus have that moniker in some social media sites as well as a name for my cleaning business. But as I continue to participate in Twitter, I find myself wondering, who am I, what am I selling, how do I present myself to the world? Of this I am sure, I am certainly a work in progress! :)

So I've stopped blogging and just as it was sometime since my last posting it may be an even longer time before the next one. From a sojourner in the social media corner of the internet to you then, as may best fit you:

Jai Guru Dev
Namaste
Grace and Blessings

Your brother Dan

suffering on the path

A friend sent me The Three Books of the Absolute by Richard Rose: a 7 page rumination on our existential situation as those who would suffer the death of our egos, looking for ulimate transcendence. A number of sections of it really struck me, so I've pasted them below followed by the letter I wrote him in return.
*********************************

I sought Thee, O Eternal Essence, in the grottoes and in the tabernacles. I called out thy name to the stone ears of statues. And thou answered not.
I sought Thee in the voice of nature. I looked for Thee in the footprints of animals, in the habits of birds. I listened for a revelation in the murmuring of waters and in the soft moaning of the forests. I laid my ear against the roaring cataracts and bared my head to the tempests. But Thou answered not.
I have sought Thee, O Eternal Essence, within my self. I have sought Thee in my mind until I was cursed with confusion. And I saw Thee not.
Then, O Eternal Essence, I sought Thee whence I came. I sought Thee in my womb. As the wild beast flees from the elements into his cavern where his wild dam littered him, so I fled the darkness of my clay. And naught did I find but the turbulence of my imagination. There in chaotic pattern did I find the seeds of all confusion that pretended to be wisdom. Where man was born was also born his gods. Where man was born was also born his demons. . . .

I, O Eternal Essence, beseech Thee,--where within Thee have I dissolved myself?
Where are prisoned those who follow love? Where have I left my I-ness, and now having left it, who is it that cries out to Thee? Where is the dirge of sorrow that is all that remains of me? Who feels this pain that burns and consumes, yet is felt not by I-who-am-no-more? Who is it that looks from the windows of my mansion like a strange prowler? Who is it that hears and hears
not, that yearns for life and lives not, that seeks out death and dies not....?
O Ever-Allness, what is Thy pleasure in my sorrow? Thou hast damned me to thoughtlessness, and yet I cannot leave off thinking, and still my thoughts are not words. Thou hast robbed me of my soul and mind, and my body laments for all ages, for my body dies not nor yet walks among men. Thou hast delivered me from my Ego, and what is there that remains? O Ever-Allness,
forever insensate, pitiless to entreaty, speechless to my prayers,--weep Thou with me for I am of Thee....and all that remains of me is Thee. . . .

Relax ye and die and live the darkness, and enter the impassive pool of the Unknowing....
Who shall extol the memory of man that leaves him often before his life....Who remembers after life? If man forgets his infancy before his manhood is upon him,--what shall he remember hence....shall he remember nothingness? Desist and enter the pool of the Unknowing....
What is time, O mind....? Is it the number of steps in a day,--the number of thoughts in a step....? Then of the thoughts in a day, how many years of days would it take to know all that is know, and then how long,--to know the magnitude of the Unknowing....and how many steps will take thee from here to there? Who shall anoint thy limbs?
Though he who forgets more seems greater than he who strived not and died in ignorance....who shall know....who shall know? Mourn ye for the hour when the cloud of the Unknowing passes and the falseness of light dazzles the eye. For the light is a liar unto the Light, and the light is the darkness of the mind. Yet who shall know....?

And soon I see, looking ahead, that all my joys are not, that all my love is not, that all my being is not. And I see that all Knowing is not. And the eminent I-ness melts into the embraces of oblivion. It melts into the embraces of oblivion like a charmed lover, fighting the
spell and languishing into it. And now I breathe Space and walk in Emptiness. My soul freezes in the void and my thoughts melt into an indestructible blackness. My consciousness struggles voiceless to articulate and it screams into the abysses of itself. Yet there is no echo. All that remains is All. My spark of life falls through the canyons of the universe, and my soul cannot weep for its loss....for lamentation and sorrow are things apart. All that remains is All.

**********************
and I answered my friend from the bottom of my heart:

thank you!!! :) :) :)

I resonated in many places with the solitariness, the utter futility of any human action, thought, perception . . . but then I diverged strongly from where he went with it . . . because I cannot and will not imagine my ability to perceive, to be, to experience as anywhere approaching our creator's. For I believe we are created, I believe it is the only sensible belief. I cannot get caught in the solipsism, even narcissism of the endless return on myself, always questioning, always pushing beyond my last construct - for I know I will never clear the constructs - of that I am now sure. Oh, I will again and again break free from them, but again and again my ability to identify myself, to see myself in contrast or with others, this basic dualistic perception of creator and created will return. I love the I AM, I love the total identification with the God-head that being his child suggests - but I also know that I am limited to partiality until one day I know as I am known, and this is perfectly okay with me.

I remembered today a development in my realization I may not have shared with you from my time "on retreat:" First I found myself singing a little ditty that had manufactured itself in my consciousness "Out on a limb, out on a limb, out on a limb for the Lord" some days or weeks later I noticed it had changed to "dancing on a limb, dancing on a limb, dancing on a limb for the Lord." Finally as my dance became more and more abandonned, I found myself singing "drifting on the wind, drifting on the wind, drifting on the breath/spirit of the Lord." and so I've drifted ever since, occasionally getting hung up on this or that worldly identification, this or that preference for self-identification, but then again waking up to it, letting go and starting to drift again.

I don't know how this painful part of my drifting is going to go - I think I must be resisting now - not wanting to let go of what I've already lost, wanting to retain some vestige of my former life (family, money, career, prestige - yes - to be honest I can see myself yearining sometimes for these things) and so I burn as I cannot grasp, but try to grasp, cannot let go, but it's being torn away from me - is already gone from my failing fingers. Yes I am physically weaker now . . . I am sagging in some extistential way . . . it hurts a lot, I often find myself weeping easily . . . but my friend - I do know that despite my suffering that I'm held, that I'm going through a painful patch of somehow resisting letting go - I don't know if this is my ego's final battle - I'm wearily afraid that's it's just another of an endless set of rounds I will do in the ring, until finally I am released to BE all that I AM.

I very much appreciate you stimulating this in me - I am grateful to our God for inspiring you to break through my walls of passivity and lethargy, prompting me to write again about my experience, and in writing to make progress, to get closer to that inevitable breakthrough - that liberation I can almost see if I stand on tip-toe! :) heh heh - of course it is not by any effort of mine that it's going to come but only from God-incidences like a good friend whacking me over the head with such an evocative piece or writing! You are such a good friend! Thank you!

And so dear reader, I close. If you made it this far, perhaps you also know something of this painful journey, this determination to be free from illusion, free from the world (prestige, possessions, etc.), free from self-centred concern, free to BE, free to BE love, free to BE with whomever we're given, free to go where the Spirit leads us. If so, well met, and God's blessing continue to rest on you, flow through you, and grace you in every way!